I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
