have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
