I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
