"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize