He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
