I puked a lego.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
