I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
handjob tips. give me some.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
