Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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