Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
