so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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