I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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