I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
