Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
