I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
