Michael Bay diarrhea
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
