Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
