He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
