how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
