Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
