I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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