She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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