i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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