I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize