I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
