So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Its about making memories worth repressing
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
