You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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