Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
