dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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