I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
