remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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