thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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