Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize