so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
