Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
