Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
