Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
