is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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