Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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