Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
