went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
