I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
