Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
