I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize