I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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