I have demons in me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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