I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
