Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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