im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
