Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
