If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize