question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
