I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
