We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
