Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
