She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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