well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
