u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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