i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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