Dual....:-)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize