hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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