I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
