i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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