I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
