you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
