Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
