i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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